I stood by and watched someone else go through a grueling three years of law-school. My husband.
Law school actually sounded appealing at one point in my life, for like, maybe two days. And only because I love to argue and yes I love to be right. Are you shitting me, who doesn’t?
But uhh, I’m glad it was my husband pulling those all-nighters reading thousands and hundreds of boring pages with words I pretend to know.
Standing by and watching was tough too though. I mean seriously, I think my ears might bleed if I have to hear one more story about law review, mood court, or exams–cases– professors–grammar–citing–bar preparation–and even constitutional jokes–What?! Yeah…
Looking back, when my husband and I first started dating, he told me he went as the second ammendment for Halloween one year… that should have been my red flag for over achieving smartass. Especially when he told me, he sewed bear arms to his shirt. But, inside I was thinking, “shit why didn’t I think of that?” Precisely why he went to law school, not me.
Anyway, yeah so, I’ve listen to all things law the last three years of my life. Morning-day-and-night. And holy tits I made it.
Lets just be honest for a minute. Marriage isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. In fact, throw some kids in the mix and marriage really isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Date nights are hardcore planned, if ever had…and sex? Well, let’s just say that changes too. Nap time is a family thing not a kid thing.
Calm down, I love my husband and my family more than anything—so don’t get the wrong idea. All I’m saying is, it’s not what society cracks it up to be. No one is the fucking Brady bunch with white teeth and big smiles. And if you think they are– they’re lying to you, because the minute they leave your house, or you leave theirs— eyes are rolled and scofs are made and gossip is discussed.
Marriage is actually more like being in combat boot camp. Loud noises. A bunch of drills and tests. Exhaustion. Repetitive shit. And uniforms. Although, the great news about boot camps? At the end, you’re damn glad you stuck with it.
Still, being married is signing up for all kinds of compromises from the moment you say, “I do.” Never liked the color red? Oh well, everything in your house is red now. Never thought you would give up meat? Now you’re going vegan. Never thought you would use blow jobs as a bargaining tool? Oh well, now you do. (Yeah, that’s a thing).
Single ladies out there: The movie The Notebook is a fantasy!!! Along with all other romantic comedies– that are only created to make you feel warm and cozy inside. But guys (in the real world) are just not like that. Okay, some guys are in the beginning. The beginning though.
And guys: what do girls really want? We don’t fucking know that’s why we want everything. And that’s why when I shop I buy stupid shit and return half of it.
Basically the moral of this rant is to marry someone you can stand to be friends with for life. Because friendship, true friendship– is the foundation to a marriage. So when the going gets tough and rough you can withstand the weather… Or something like that.